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We Rats

Since we're such geniuses and so very popular, everyone asks us lots of questions, all of which we give very helpful and realistic answers to.

Frequently Asked Questions

My human is continually stepping on my tail, why are humans so clumsy and what can I do about it?

Sadly, not too much. Humans are some of the clumsiest creatures there are. They're constantly crashing in to things, knocking over things, tripping (usually over their own feet), and, of course, stepping on things. When a human steps on your tail (or hand, or foot), squeek extra loud, and stop squeeking as soon as they take their foot away. But you must remember: Don't be mad at your human for stepping on your tail, it's not their fault that they're stupid and clumsy, and if you're extra forgiving and don't sulk, they'll feel so bad for stepping on you that they'll give you tons of extra treats!

How many of you own Zuriah?

Two, currently. Of course, if you had read our homepage, you'd already know this. Maybe you haven't chewed on enough books in your life. We recomend that you start with hardcover, or something else that's tough against the teeth.

How do I get my human to give me more yogurt drops?

This one is actually easier than it sounds. Start out by making it clear that you won't accept anything else, and every time they do give you a yogurt drop, inhale it. Also it's best to really ham up your cute act, so let them poke you, prod you, hug you, squish you, kiss your belly, etc., etc.

My human keeps locking me in my cage at night, how do I prevent this?

Well, there's not all that much you can do. However, here are some tricks you can try: When your human puts you in your cage for the night, poke your nose (and anything else that will fit) through the bars. You can also add a couple squeeks for good measure. If none of this has any effect, after they put you in your cage and get in bed (you'd preferably wait until they just start to fall asleep), make as much noise as you possibly can, bang your water bottle against the cage, squeek tons, and if at all possible, get in an especially rowdy and painful looking fight with your cage mate.

My human keeps picking me up and squishing me like I was a teddy bear. What do I do?

Nothing. Just look as amazingly cute as you can (which should be easy if you're a rat). Chances are you'll get more treats that way.

My human got a pet, and now they pay way to much attention to it and not nearly enough to me. How can I stop this?

You should start by making it clear to the pet that it is not wanted, and that it should pack its bags and leave right now. This usually doesn't work, but it'll make you feel better. The next thing to do is to look as cute as possible whenever your human is around. And of course, any time you can frame this pet for anything you definitely should. For instance, we once got our human's pet rabbit Floppy in deep trouble by chewing on the cage while our human was trying to sleep, and making it look like he was the one doing it! You have to be careful though, because it wouldn't have worked if our human had had her eyes open, and we were caught in the end anyway. *sigh* Really the most important thing to do if your human gets a pet is to go up to them whenever they're playing with it and get in the way as much as possible.